Farmer’s Market
2018-04-10 08:00 - 2025-06-17 17:59 UTC | Bamboo Fresh, 655 Front St. #108, Lahaina, HI, 96761, United States
Who’s that then? Shh! Knights, I bid you welcome to your new home. Let us ride to Camelot! Ah, now we see the violence inherent in the system! The Lady of the Lake, her arm clad in the purest shimmering samite, held aloft Excalibur from the bosom of the water, signifying by divine providence that I, Arthur, was to carry Excalibur. That is why I am your king. Camelot!

Dinner Party
2018-04-13 18:00 - 2025-04-16 20:30 | The Corn Palace, 601 N Main St, Mitchell, SD, 57301, United States
Look, my liege! Shut up! Will you shut up?! What a strange person. But you are dressed as one… You don’t frighten us, English pig-dogs! Go and boil your bottoms, sons of a silly person! I blow my nose at you, so-called Ah-thoor Keeng, you and all your silly English K-n-n-n-n-n-n-n-niggits! The Lady of the Lake, her arm clad in the purest shimmering samite, held aloft Excalibur from the bosom of the water, signifying by divine providence that I, Arthur, was to carry Excalibur. That is why I am your king.

Late Night Party
2018-08-02 20:00 - 2025-08-03 01:00 | Party Haus, 330 S Broadway Unit 602, Los Angelos, CA, 90013, united States
Well, I got better. Ah, now we see the violence inherent in the system! The swallow may fly south with the sun, and the house martin or the plover may seek warmer climes in winter, yet these are not strangers to our land. It’s only a model. It’s only a model.

Movie Marathon
2018-08-14 10:00 - 2025-08-14 20:00 | Winchester Mystery House, 525 S Winchester Blvd, San Jose, CA, 95128, United States
What’s the point of going out? We’re just going to wind up back here anyway. I’m going to the back seat of my car, with the woman I love, and I won’t be back for ten minutes! And now, in the spirit of the season: start shopping. And for every dollar of Krusty merchandise you buy, I will be nice to a sick kid. For legal purposes, sick kids may include hookers with a cold. The Internet King? I wonder if he could provide faster nudity… Yes! I am a citizen! Now which way to the welfare office? I’m kidding, I’m kidding. I work, I work.

Rock Concert
2018-09-01 20:00 - 2025-09-01 23:30 | Doug Fir Lounge, 830 E. Burnside St., Portland, OR, 97214, United States
Hey, Luke! May the Force be with you. Look, I ain’t in this for your revolution, and I’m not in it for you, Princess. I expect to be well paid. I’m in it for the money. Ye-ha! What good is a reward if you ain’t around to use it? Besides, attacking that battle station ain’t my idea of courage. It’s more like…suicide. Hey, Luke! May the Force be with you. But with the blast shield down, I can’t even see! How am I supposed to fight?

Cupcake Decorating
2019-07-07 13:30 - 2025-07-07 15:30 | The Corn Palace, 601 N Main St, Mitchell, SD, 57301, United States
Oh God, my uncle. How am I ever gonna explain this? The plans you refer to will soon be back in our hands. I suggest you try it again, Luke. This time, let go your conscious self and act on instinct. I want to come with you to Alderaan. There’s nothing for me here now. I want to learn the ways of the Force and be a Jedi, like my father before me. As you wish. I don’t know what you’re talking about. I am a member of the Imperial Senate on a diplomatic mission to Alderaan–

Board Meeting
2019-07-11 12:00 - 2025-09-17 13:30 | Musee D’Orsay, 1 Rue de la Légion d'Honneur, Paris, 75007, France
I have traced the Rebel spies to her. Now she is my only link to finding their secret base. What?! I care. So, what do you think of her, Han? The Force is strong with this one. I have you now. But with the blast shield down, I can’t even see! How am I supposed to fight? Red Five standing by.

Birthday Party
2019-07-16 15:30 - 2025-07-16 17:00 | Krispy Kreme, 6935 South Lindbergh, St. Louis, MO, 63129, United States
Why do you think that she is a witch? He hasn’t got shit all over him. Well, I didn’t vote for you. A newt? Look, my liege! I don’t want to talk to you no more, you empty-headed animal food trough water! I fart in your general direction! Your mother was a hamster and your father smelt of elderberries! Now leave before I am forced to taunt you a second time!

Weekend Long Adventure
2020-03-22 17:00 - 2025-03-23 18:00 | Cambridge University Library, West Road, Cambridge, CB3 9DR, United Kingdom
Dear Mr. President, There are too many states nowadays. Please, eliminate three. P.S. I am not a crackpot. You don’t win friends with salad. I’m a Spalding Gray in a Rick Dees world. D’oh. A lifetime of working with nuclear power has left me with a healthy green glow…and left me as impotent as a Nevada boxing commissioner. No children have ever meddled with the Republican Party and lived to tell about it.

Kitten Adoption Day
2020-05-20 - 2025-05-20 | Winchester Mystery House, 525 S Winchester Blvd, San Jose, CA, 95128, United States
I’ve done everything the Bible says — even the stuff that contradicts the other stuff! Our differences are only skin deep, but our sames go down to the bone. And now, in the spirit of the season: start shopping. And for every dollar of Krusty merchandise you buy, I will be nice to a sick kid. For legal purposes, sick kids may include hookers with a cold. And here I am using my own lungs like a sucker. What good is money if it can’t inspire terror in your fellow man? Homer no function beer well without.
